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In our culture obsessed with dieting and weight loss and flat abs and perfect skin and big butts and hairlessness and cellulite and and and….. the pressure to maintain a perfect image that fits society’s impossible expectations is immense. Immense is an understatement. From childhood onward, we are all inundated with images of perfect people that don’t even exist. Although there has been a movement to end the extreme editing of images presented to us in the media, the editing is still there, making the people we look up to into beacons of unattainable beauty.

Society is gravely affected by this. And young, impressionable girls, I think, are hit hardest of all. We’re taught to love ourselves, but then shown a million ways to improve ourselves. Who do we believe? And in the age of social media, where everyone presents only the best aspects of their lives, we believe everyone is more beautiful and more happy than we are.

Where do I fit in? I was not immune to the self-esteem sabotage. Especially since I had an interest in fashion, I was surrounded by images of rail-thin women in elegant clothes and makeup. Naturally, I thought it was possible for my body to look like that. I thought that was the peak of beauty. I thought I could never be taken seriously in the industry with the muscular body type I was given. So, I developed an unhealthy relationship with food.

This was what my body looked like in high school, when my body image issues were at their worst. I really thought I was fat. I would obsessively exercise for hours every night. I would eat one pudding cup for lunch and force myself to take forever to eat it, so it seemed like more food. I really thought I was fat. All I can do now is laugh at how stupid I was.

Before that point, I was a competitive swimmer and spent upwards of four hours every day in the pool. This is hard on the body and requires a lot of fuel. This also builds a lot of muscle. Muscular women are not attractive, according to society. My brother told me that no man would ever love me because I was so muscular and had no curves at all. When I quit swimming, my curves came in hard and fast and I was left feeling like a stretch mark-marred whale. I had nobody to tell me that it was okay to gain weight. In fact, the girls I was surrounded by were just as obsessed as I was with obtaining that desirable body.

I’m happy to say that I am not like that anymore. I have gained an appreciation and a respect for my body and all that it does every day. If my body isn’t strong, I’m not strong. But it isn’t easy to believe these things. It’s especially hard for me to accept the fact that I’ve gained 10-12 pounds since high school. I always think it’s because I’m not taking care of myself, or that I’m eating in excess. But that’s not always true. Our bodies change. Our metabolisms slow. They really make us believe these things are completely in our control, when that’s not always the case.

I do think that the fashion industry has some responsibility to change the way bodies are portrayed in the media. Cast women with realistic bodies. Avoid enforcing industry-wide standards that encourage models to engage in unhealthy eating and exercise behaviors. Stop treating models as hangers for the clothes, which not only creates an unrealistic expectation of what bodies should look like in clothes, but also objectifies and dehumanizes the women wearing them.

What have you experienced in terms of body image and self-esteem? I am optimistic that things are changing. Slowly, but they are.

What Being a Vegetarian Means to Me

There were many times in my life where I flirted with vegetarianism. I avoided meat for a few months in high school under the guise of wanting to lose weight, then stopped because it was too hard to reconcile my dietary needs with my family’s preference for meat. My second try was at the start of my freshman year of college “for health reasons,” but, again, I turned back to eating meat because there weren’t enough affordable vegetarian options in the university cafeterias to keep me satisfied. 

The point is, I had, for a long time, wanted to make the switch to a meat free life, but always lacked the drive and motivation to stick to it. Believe it or not, living in a society where most people eat meat on a daily basis can make choosing a different path, like veganism or vegetarianism, fairly difficult. There was also always the stigma of being one of “those people”- the annoying vegan/vegetarian that is almost militaristic in their beliefs and criticizes all of the meat eaters of the world, or tries to make faulty arguments about our bodies not being made to consume animal products. Because of the loud minority, this lifestyle definitely leaves a bad taste in some people’s mouths. For these reasons, the first few times I tried cutting out meat, I stuck to such weak and meaningless explanations for my choice- “I want to lose weight,” or “it’s strictly for health reasons.”

Something had to change to make this decision stick. I had to move beyond some shoddy, half-baked reasoning on to something meaningful that I was truly passionate about, or I would never actually get anything out of it. I would just be going through the motions. And sometimes a little heartache and tragedy is enough to do the trick.

An old picture of me and my cat Betsy back from when I was in high school. It was a lucky shot because she’s actually looking into the camera!

I have always been an avid and passionate lover of animals. Growing up, we always had cats- first Jefferson, who was older than I was when he died, then Betsy and Peaches. They were always the lights of my life and gave me endless joy and companionship. I love animals so much I even once considered a career as a veterinarian or a zoologist. But, for some reason, this love alone never clicked as a good enough excuse to quit eating meat. I loved pets, that special class of animal we deemed worthy of love, affection and respect. All of the others… Well, they were on their own. Especially the lowly farm animals. This is something that we, as a society, rationalize and it is something that took a hard lesson for me to unlearn. 

About a year ago, when I finally moved out of the dorms and into an apartment of my own, I wanted to get myself a small pet to keep me company, since a cat seemed like too much of a commitment and would be too expensive to keep in an apartment. This led me to PetCo in search of the perfect hamster, the quintessential pet rodent. The universe, however, had different plans in store, as I ended up spying the cutest creature I had ever laid eyes on in my life. It was a gerbil, an “exotic” rodent that most people assume is just another name for a hamster. Although I was clueless about gerbils, I knew then, upon seeing this tiny being, that I was going to adopt them.

Toast as I found him in his tank at the pet store. He was so cute, I couldn’t resist snapping a photo. 

The aforementioned creature was butterscotch-colored with huge, almond-shaped, black eyes, a pleasantly round body and a fur-covered tail. When I spotted him, his angelic, sleeping head was sticking out of a ceramic acorn and my heart shattered into a million pieces and then melted. Before long, he, along with his smaller, grey buddy, were mine. I named him Toast and I loved him and his partner, Magellan, like they were my own children. They were my first pets in life that were 100% mine, and I took the role of pet parent very seriously. Soon, my evenings were consumed with spending time with them, letting them run around on my bed, watching them dig tunnels and chew cardboard, and just holding and petting them. 

I was so happy and ready to spend the next 3 or so years with my new little friends, which is why it came as a complete shock when, last October, after only about four months of having them, Toast died. The vet informed me that he had a massive tumor that literally crushed his tiny organs. The poor thing had probably been suffering while hiding his symptoms for months. I was devastated. For days, I could hardly keep from crying at the thought of the little guy. After about a week of extreme emotional pain, I came to the realization that I can’t have loved an animal that much, receive so much joy and sorrow from its existence, then continue to eat other animals and cause them pain.

Toast and Magellan had taught me a valuable lesson about the validity of animal life, and gave me a newfound passion and meaning behind my choice to go meat free. Through this conviction to cause as little animal harm as possible, and my respect for all types of animals, I have never faltered on my path of remaining a vegetarian. And now, one year in, I can say I can’t really see myself ever going back. I have never craved meat, or really even missed it. Sure, there are a few of my favorite meaty dishes that I reminisce about, but that nostalgia for meat is never strong enough to surpass my passion for animal life. Plus, there are plenty of meatless “meats” that are incredibly flavorful and delicious, even my meat-loving boyfriend sometimes partakes in my plant-based meat meals. 

One question most people ask me is if I have seen any benefits to my health since making the switch, and it’s a hard question to answer. I have not seen any direct, measurable changes in my health. I actually gained some weight in the beginning because I was eating a lot more carbs than my body was used to, but once I figured things out, my body went back to where it has been for the past few years. I think the only direct change I have noticed is that I have less problems with digestion, since my body has always had trouble processing animal fats. But other than that, I feel the same.

Would I recommend others go vegetarian? Of course. Cutting out meat is one of the best ways you can help to reduce your contribution to global climate change, since massive cow farms emit a ton of greenhouse gases. I also think that our society in general puts too much dietary emphasis on meat proteins, and everyone eats way more than they actually need. Even just reducing the amount of meat eaten would help, not only to save animal lives, but to save our planet as well. But I will never force my choice on anyone, as it is something deeply personal and meaningful to me, and I believe that such serious choices should be your decision to make alone. 

So- how was my year without meat? It was more full of love and life than ever, and I am so glad to have made this choice for myself and all of the animal friends I have met and will meet. This one is for you. 

One of my current gerbils (I now have six). His name is Sesame!