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“Educated” and the Difficulty of Radical Self-Change

I had seen this book everywhere since its release and heard nothing but rave reviews, so I was so excited when NetGalley and Random House granted me a free copy in exchange for an honest review.

This memoir follows Tara Westover’s remarkable childhood growing up in a Mormon survivalist family that renounced education as a form of indoctrination from the devil, and the “medical establishment” as poisonous and against God’s will. Against this backdrop, we follow Tara through her childhood, adolescence and adulthood grappling with the ideas her family holds and her harrowing experiences within that environment as she gives herself enough education to make it to college, then to a PhD from Cambridge University.

Her style was propulsive, yet lyrical in a lot of places and made this book a quick, easy read, despite the heaviness of the subject. I became completely absorbed in the story and could perfectly picture her house, the junk yard she worked in, the mountain she lived on, and her family members — all were rendered in wonderful clarity that her story came off sharp and genuine. I was impressed by the fluidity of the memoir, how it moved easily from one part of her life to the next without any glaring gaps that left me wondering if there was anything missing.

Simply put, her journey to education was amazing and inspiring, but the book wasn’t meant to be a hero’s story of overcoming the odds to reach a goal the hero never thought possible. Rather than focusing on her growth and how her education propelled her onward and upward, this book is an emotional recounting of the impact her education had on her relationship with her family, and how her newfound diversity of knowledge gave her insight into the often perverse nature of her family dynamics, which, in turn, eroded her relationship with her parents and siblings. You can tell through her writing how hard this was for her, and the conflict she illustrates between sticking to your beliefs and the person you’ve gone to great lengths to become, and preserving your relationship with your family is palpable and relatable — to some degree — to all of us.

My only (very mild) critique of this book is that it breezes over her education and her research in favor of recounting events with her family, which is understandable. I just wish I could have seen more of how her philosophical research affected her on a personal level, in turn affecting how she handled her family. There is a bit of that in the book already, but a more illuminating look at her time in higher education may have been interesting to read about.

Overall, this is a very readable, very compelling account of Ms. Westover’s life journey and one that I think people will continue to read for decades. I would recommend this to anyone that enjoys memoirs, or has interest in learning more about what some may consider “radical” religious beliefs.

4.5 Stars

**Thanks again to NetGalley and Random House who gifted me this book in return for an honest review.**

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Book Reviews

It’s All Desolation and Downward Spirals in “Play It As It Lays”

I’m starting to wonder if I intentionally seek out books with depressing narratives- if something in the books I choose reveals some truth about my own inner emotional state. Am I the fragile and emotionally-destroyed women portrayed in these books? Anyways… Enough introspection, that’s not what you’re all here for. This week, I’m reviewing “Play It As It Lays,” the 1970 novel by Joan Didion.

I picked up this book impulsively while scanning the bookshelves the last time I made a trip to my local book store (Book People- the largest independently-owned book store!) because the cover was vibrant and simple and also quietly sinister, featuring only a coiled, black snake and a pink, desert sky. This was my first Didion novel, and hearing so much about her, I was excited to delve into her apparently-powerful prose. And it was powerful, packing so many emotions and raw, purely-human interactions into one short, punchy novel that will stay with me for a very long time.

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“Play It As It Lays” by Joan Didion

The plot of this book is relatively simple, so it relies on the development of the tightly-woven cast of characters to move the story along. We begin with a first-person monologue by Maria (Mar-eye-a) who has been admitted to a psychiatric facility to recover from a mental breakdown that the rest of the novel will lead up to. After the opening monologues by Maria, her friend Helene, and her ex-husband Carter, the remainder of the narrative is told in a close third person that follows Maria as her marriage crumbles, her daughter is sequestered away in a hospital, and her friends all proceed to royally screw up each other’s lives.

While the characters and the ever-shifting relationships between them make up a bulk of the story, the setting- 1960s LA and the surrounding desert- almost acts as a separate character itself, as it sprawls around Maria and seems to swallow her up. After escaping a small town in Nevada for New York City, Maria becomes an actress and a model, but she quickly retires her life as a model when she marries Carter, a film director, and is sucked into the vacuous, artificial world of Hollywood. While Carter initially helped Maria to get a few meager roles, her Hollywood career starts to wane and the veneer of their marriage seems to wear off, as the couple grapples with the reality that is their empty lives.

The book weaves such a potent image of complete desolation, you start to understand why Maria ends up the way she does. Everything in her life lacks meaning. Her personal interactions seem rife with the duplicity of fake friendship. Her husband is constantly absent while working on movies. Men are worried about using artificial lemon in their drinks, and women are worried that their hairdresser is out of town. Around every corner, a snake lies in waiting to snap at Maria and cause her to tumble further in her downward spiral toward complete nihilism. Maria even spends most of her days aimlessly driving along the freeway with no destination, mirroring her complete directionlessness in life. And while she was teetering on the edge of collapse, one heart-wrenching loss sends her crashing over and into oblivion (what it is, you’ll have to read to find out).

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Maria played by Tuesday Weld in the 1972 film adaptation of the novel.

A complaint that many people have about this novel is that they don’t like Maria enough to care about her emotional turmoil throughout the book. And it’s true, at some points, I couldn’t understand why she said certain things or acted in certain ways, but in other moments, like those where the book talks about her daughter in the hospital, show so much warmth and tenderness and emotional honesty that I can’t help but feel for her. In a way, I can relate to Maria’s pessimistic vision of life as a highway stretching into a desert riddled with rattlesnakes waiting to uncoil their twisting, sun-baked bodies and punish you for venturing out. I can also relate to her attitude that she should still go on anyways. While her equally-nihilistic friend BZ asks “Why?” she asks “Why not?” which reveals her warm, molten core that is not dead yet.

All of this to say that the book is a stunner that will leave you breathless at some points with its, short, laser-focused chapters that come in hot and burn out just as quickly like a firework. I finished the book in just a couple of sittings because it flowed that easily. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that wants to read something that not only has wicked prose, but will also leave an impression on you.

I’m looking forward to reading more Didion.

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Book Reviews

“Nobody Is Ever Missing” Is a Study In Self Excavation

Ever since I read “Catcher in the Rye” by JD Salinger in high school, I’ve been enamored with the format of the stream of consciousness narrative. It’s just so cool to be with a character inside of their own head, tip-toeing around their thoughts and falling into their long, looping spirals of emotion as they navigate the world, or their memories. There is something so compelling about telling a story that way, entirely through the characters own biased sense of reality. It has been my favorite form to write in ever since.

“Nobody Is Ever Missing” by Catherine Lacey isn’t like any other stream of consciousness story I have ever read. The story is essentially a retelling of when the main character, Elyria, a married woman with a respectable job, runs away to New Zealand after realizing she feels completely unhappy in life. The way I’m describing this is oversimplifying it, really. The plot of her stay in New Zealand and struggle with reconciling her relationship with her husband is relatively simple in structure. The real story emerges in the narrator’s reflection on these events and the emotions and memories surrounding them. It is a deep dive into her psyche to salvage the wreckage of her life, a meandering walk through the fractured mind of someone grieving deeply.

new zealand nobody is ever missing book review catherine lacey

At the heart of the story lies the central issue that Elyria’s adopted sister, with whom she shared her age, unexpectedly commits suicide by jumping out of her apartment window. This is something that Elyria will never get over, which rots her from the inside out, even while she falls in love with and marries the professor that last saw her sister alive. It is this mutual tragedy that originally connects them, then subsequently destroys them later on.

Anyways, Elyria runs away to New Zealand and begins living a hermit life where she’s alone with her thoughts, and she has a lot of them. One of the most compelling aspects of this book is the way its written, in long, rambling sentences that bring to mind the image of someone trying to say a very long thought in one breath. It’s a rush, pulling you along to read more and more, while simultaneously making you very exhausted. Almost as exhausted as the narrator is as she pulls each memory out from the depths and examines every painful corner in sharp detail. Here’s an example of one particularly striking passage toward the middle of the book:

Someone said once that they’d never heard of a crime they couldn’t imagine committing, and I realized then that if I had a daughter and she had a rabbit and that rabbit was alone with me and I was feeling the way I felt right now and I had a way to kill that rabbit and the time to spend killing that rabbit then killing that rabbit was something I could imagine myself possibly doing or at least considering doing or being on the edge of doing.

Elyria in “Nobody Is Ever Missing” by Catherine Lacey

Because of the tiring nature of each heavy chunk of thought the narrator gives us, I found myself having to digest this book in small bites, rather than bulldozing through it to get to the next plot point. That wasn’t the point of this book. The point was to work through all of the narrator’s incoherent feelings about her sister’s death, her failed marriage to her husband, and her subsequent mental breakdown that led her to flee to New Zealand for months, until she was forced to come back due to an injury and overstaying her travel visa. As I said before, the plot is simple, which is fine. If it was any more complicated, the book would have tried to tackle too much.

And while the lyrical, frantic voice of the novel was one of its best features, it was also one of its worst features because it made some sections of the book move too slowly and become frustrating to read. The narrator often repeats the same thoughts and ideas, which is realistic to how people think about things and process emotions, but doesn’t make for a smooth, enjoyable reading experience. Also, the lackluster ending left me wishing the conclusion had a little more impact. Then again, this book wasn’t about resolution, or satisfaction. It played out almost like a drawn out therapy session transcribed to help the narrator understand her own issues, which in and of itself made the book a worthwhile and interesting read.

While I enjoyed this book, I probably wouldn’t read it again and would give it a 3.5/5 for its thought-provoking prose.

I picked up another book by Catherine Lacey called “The Answers,” which was actually a coincidence, but I’ll leave a review here when I finish that one as well, so keep an eye out!

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Book Reviews

I Hate “You,” I Love “You,” I Just Can’t Forget “You”

Book Review – Anna

I picked up the book “You,” by Caroline Kepnes from my library last year after reading some glowing reviews, and I fully expected to read something completely cheesy and cliche- the totally predictable narrative of the depraved mind of a stalker/killer obsessed with his victims, something I had read before and probably will read again. However, instead of being met with an insane and disgusting, or insanely disgusting, creep of a character that I would instantly hate, I was met with Joe Goldberg, who did not instantly put me off with his murder-y behavior, but charmed me with his humor and wit. And thus it began this way, my love-hate relationship with Joe Golderberg, serial killer and obsessive stalker. Who knew one book would make me question my very fundamental ethical standards??

The plot of the book basically goes like this: Joe meets Beck at the used book shop he pretty much runs and instantly becomes obsessed with her, immediately beginning his stalker behaviors by looking her up online and following her around New York City. They “by chance” (I say this because to her, it seemed that way, but it was definitely not) meet again and hit it off officially when she drunkenly falls onto the subway tracks and he is magically there to save her from her impending death. What unfolds is his attempting to eradicate everything in her life that would take her away from him, leading him to kill multiple people in the process. It’s a wild ride, y’all. I mean, I devoured this book in the span of only a few sittings, wanting to find out what Joe had in store for us all next.

you book tv show lifetime penn badgley elizabeth lail caroline kepnes thriller

And while the plot itself was pretty full of twists and surprises to keep you interested, it was the way the book was written that really made it unique. It was written as almost a stream of consciousness inside of the mind of Joe, where we see all of his cleverness, witty humor, and charming asides to make you want him to succeed just to see what else he will say about the world around him. For all of his insanity in wanting to stalk and kill for a girl that is not very interesting (just saying- I did not like Beck’s character), Joe had a lot of actually valid critiques of the world and the people that Beck surrounded herself with, making me believe Kepnes wrote this fully intending it to be a cultural satire of sorts. That becomes even more apparent in the second book, where Joe finds his way to LA to tell us just what he thinks of that culture and lifestyle (that book is great too- seriously, y’all, read it!).

As I mentioned breifly before, and as Jaden will mention again in his review of the TV show, the only thing I hated about this book was Beck, Joe’s obsession. She was the very epitome of a shallow, wannabe-bestselling-author trying to “make it” in New York that lived the most inane lifestyle that would never lead to her writing anything good. While this may have been the point, I thought it made the whole thing a little unbelievable. I mean, Joe was smart enough to critique these very kinds of people, so why would he fall in love with one? Beck was not a good person- she lied and cheated, and ultimately had very little interesting qualities to redeem her in my eyes. I actually think that they did a much better job of creating her character in the show. She was kind and caring, and I did actually feel bad for her when things didn’t go her way. In the book, I didn’t care at all, and maybe that’s what made it so easy to root for Joe, instead.

I give the book an 8/10 and would highly recommend it, and its sequel, to anyone interested in novels with dark, yet simultaneously funny, plots.

TV Review – Jaden

After my girlfriend recommended that I sit down with her to start watching “You,” I was skeptical. She had previously read the book, and didn’t seem to care much for it (not true!!! see my review above 🙂). Much to our surprise, however, the show actually turned out to be pretty good.

“You” does a great job of putting the viewer into the mind of a serial stalker/murderer. Joe Goldberg, the protagonist, is such an ordinary guy that I often found myself laughing at his antics and even rooting for him at times. I had to constantly remind myself what an awful person this protagonist was, and every time I did I found myself liking the show more and more. In this regard, the show nailed it.

you book tv show lifetime penn badgley elizabeth lail caroline kepnes thriller
Penn Badgley did a great job of playing the part of an equal parts charming and creepy Joe Goldberg. (Lifetime)

I did have some problems with the show, however. I found the protagonist to be a little too stupid to be believable. This isn’t to say that he was stupid objectively, he was actually of much higher than average intelligence. Rather, he was too stupid not to get caught kidnapping, stalking, and murdering people immediately. Also, I really hated the character of Beck, Joe’s love interest. She has no depth to her, and most of the things she said and did were pretty annoying.

“You” is by no means the best show I’ve ever seen, but it is pretty good. The first season was made for cable, so it isn’t some super intelligent look into the mind of an evil genius. It’s a weird, kind of awkward mix of a stalker/murderer psychological thriller and romantic comedy, and I’m not sure that it quite landed. But I was thoroughly entertained by season 1, and it left enough loose ends that I plan on watching season 2 as well.

Overall, “You” is entertaining, and tries to get the viewers to sympathize with the evil protagonist, and few shows succeed at this as much as “You” did.

6.8/10 would recommend

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Book Reviews

“Ubik” by Philip K Dick Takes Us On a Mind-Melding Trip

“What is this?” you may be asking- “Nothing to do with fashion, style, or runway? I can’t believe it!” Well, believe it! And welcome to the very first book review (one of may to come) to be posted on this site. First up: Ubik by Philip K Dick, one of the most highly acclaimed science fiction writers of all time. 

Let me start by saying that science fiction is one of my all-time favorite genres. I’ve always loved to revel in the visions of the future conjured up inside of the writers’ minds. There are endless possibilities in creating a science fiction world, something that reminds me of how endless the possibilities of the future are for our own reality. 

But speaking of science fiction world-building- wow, PKD is a true master of this art. I previously read one of his other novels, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (the novel that inspired the Blade Runner films) and was completely absorbed in the fantastical, yet totally believable and conceivable world he had created. I was met with the same luscious, totally addicting world-building in Ubik, a tale I would place into an entirely different vein than Do Androids Dream.

Ubik takes place in the distant future of 1992 (the book was written in 1969 lol) in a world where people have developed psychic powers and tells the story of Glen Runciter, Joe Chip and their company of “inertials,” or anti-telepaths that are employed to counter the telepathic powers of psychics who are paid to mine the general populace for trade secrets. When things take a turn for the worse for Glen Runciter and his band of eccentric inertials, stuff starts to get really weird, like Runciter’s face appearing on money and every cigarette in the world becoming so old and dry they crumble to pieces at the slightest touch. And here is where the story unfolds, in a reality where Glen Runciter, Joe Chip and crew are trying to figure out, along with the reader, just what the heck is actually going on.

A cover of Ubik by Philip K Dick that features the enigmatic product that may or may not have something to do with the mystery that unfolds.

Although I love science fiction, I’m always hesitant to pick up a new science fiction story because of all of the disappointments I’ve had with the genre in the past. I first heard about Ubik because it is on nearly every list of must-read science fictions, and even earned the title of one of Time‘s 100 greatest novels since 1923. Needless to say, I had high hopes for this one, but plenty of promising science fiction books get bogged down and suffer from a heavy-handed approach to world-building that shifts the focus of the story from plot and character to the world itself and how it operates. I get that part of the appeal of science fiction is the world, the technology and how society functions within it, but I’m a character gal, meaning I need a good set of characters to keep me invested.

This was not a problem with Ubik, or for any of Philip K Dick’s stories, really. PKD thrusts you directly into the world with little to no introduction or explanation of anything, preferring to let the world organically unfold around his characters of choice, something that makes the stories deeply enthralling and intriguing. He doesn’t hold your hand, or give long-winded, tell-rather-than-show histories. The world just is, and we’re left to figure things out on our own, which you can usually manage pretty quickly because the story is well-crafted enough that anyone can easily follow it after acclimating.

Now I would like to delve a little deeper into the meat and potatoes of the story so, if you haven’t read the book and would like to, STOP READING NOW! *SPOILERS AHEAD*

Proceed to the next page if you would like to continue reading.

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